Restraining-Order Madness
by Carey Roberts
 Word is out that CBS talk-show host David Letterman has been involved in a
secret liaison these past several years, so secret it is all mental. It
began back in 1993 when Colleen Nestler of New Mexico began sending Mr.
Letterman "thoughts of love," and Letterman "responded" in her mind with
televised code words and seductive eye gestures.
According to Ms. Nestler's 6-page complaint, Letterman soon began to send
her mental messages seeking her hand in marriage. But the relationship went
sour. Alas, she found herself unable to sleep at night and was forced into
bankruptcy.
Determined to fight back, Nestler sought legal protection. Believe it or
not, on December 15, Santa Fe judge Daniel Sanchez issued an order
supporting her and instructing Mr. Letterman to not "think of me, and
release me from his mental harassment and hammering." [www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,179430,00.html]
Hammering?
One might hope such bizarre events are rare. But it turns out they are
commonplace. Each year, 500,000 domestic restraining orders are issued
without even an allegation of violence, according to a recent report from
R.A.D.A.R. - Respecting Accuracy in Domestic Abuse Reporting.
[www.mediaradar.org/docs/VAWA-Restraining-Orders.pdf]
These orders are often used as a legal tactic designed to gain an unfair
advantage during a divorce proceeding. Columnist Cathy Young explains, "The
advantages of a restraining order to the complainant -- exclusive possession
of the home (with the alleged abuser often required to continue paying the
rent or mortgage), temporary and probably permanent sole custody of the
children -- can be tempting." [http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/1999/10/25/restraining orders/index2.html]
One case in point involves actress Tawny Kitaen, who happened to be addicted
to prescription drugs. In April 2002 she was arrested in Newport Beach, CA
for attacking her husband, Cleveland Indians pitcher Chuck Finley, after
repeatedly kicking him with her high-heeled shoes.
[http://espn.go.com/mlb/news/2002/0403/1362902.html]
Following her arrest, Finley filed for divorce and was granted temporary
custody of the kids. So she dropped the nuclear bomb of family destruction,
accusing Finley of domestic violence, even though she was the one who had
been arrested and he had no prior history of abuse.
Domestic restraining orders were originally designed to protect persons from
actual or imminent harm. But over the years, feminists convinced state
legislators to expand the definition of domestic violence. So now if you
live in Michigan, placing a family member in fear of mental harm could get
you thrown out. In New Jersey, interfering with your spouse's "well-being"
might get you the boot. In Illinois, be careful not to cause any form of
"emotional distress," that could get you in trouble with the law.
Now judges crank out orders like counterfeit one-dollar bills. "I think
judges grant the restraining orders without asking too many questions," admits former state Rep. Barbara Gray, a sponsor of the Massachusetts Abuse
Prevention Act.
Once you're out of the house, a broad range of once-normal behavior becomes
off-limits. If your wife calls and leaves a message, don't call her back -
that's considered a violation of the order. If one of your kids has a
birthday, don't send him a birthday card - that's prohibited, too. In most
cases, the victim of restraining order abuse is a man. But in about 15% of
cases, women are the victims of drive-by restraining orders.
How would you react if a friend of yours was fired from his job merely
because a co-worker feared - but had absolutely no proof -- he might do
something violent? What would you think if a girl was expelled from school
merely on the basis of an allegation that she was somehow harassing her
classmates?
But with domestic orders the stakes are much higher - loss of family and
home. New Jersey attorney David Heleniak puts it this way: "In 10 days, the
hypothetical husband has gone from having a normal life with a wife,
children and home to being a social pariah, homeless, poor, and alone,
trapped in a Kafkaesque nightmare."
March Madness is over in the basketball world for another year but a worse
type of madness unfortunately continues unabated in our legal system.
Carey Roberts is a Staff Writer for The New Media Alliance. Columns by this
author can be read regularly on TheRealityCheck.org.
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