NCAA Flunks Logic
by Bob Barr

Somewhat rhetorically, in "Romeo and Juliet," Shakespeare draws our attention to the fact that it is not the name of a thing that provides its desirable qualities, but the inherent properties of the thing itself: "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." Many years later, another English literary master, Lewis Carroll, though not quite so prolific as his 16th-century predecessor, ridiculed 19th-century England's propensity to butcher its native tongue, as Humpty Dumpty declared in "Through the Looking Glass": "When I use a word . . . it means just what I choose it to mean, neither more nor less."

The NCAA has done both Shakespeare and Carroll one better. It has, after apparently exhaustive study, decided that words do have meaning; so much, in fact, that their mere usage as the name of a sports team mascot cannot be tolerated, spoken or even depicted.

In a move most charitably described as nonsensical, but more accurately deemed consummately asinine, three levels of NCAA "leadership" have determined that political correctness requires that no NCAA college or university may display "hostile or abusive" mascots, nicknames or imagery at any championships sanctioned by this renowned organization.

This means that several schools, ranging from such athletic heavyweights as Florida State University to little-known but equally insensitive Chowan College in Murfreesboro, N.C., will have to make wrenching decisions. The schools must decide whether to opt out of the NCAA or adopt a two-tiered mascot system — one for use during the regular season and another, more politically correct, mascot to use during any championship games in which it plays or that it hosts. Otherwise, they must scrap their current mascots (the Seminoles at FSU and the Braves at Chowan) and adopt those that pass muster with the supersensitive busybodies of the NCAA's feared Subcommittee on Gender and Diversity Issues.

The recently announced mascot policy, however, while levied with all the solemnity such an earth-shattering pronouncement was entitled, raises a host of problems and questions — designed, no doubt to keep the mascot police busy for many years. Indeed, NCAA President Myles Brand signaled as much, in alerting member schools that they will be subject to his organization's prying eyes in the future, by virtue of "continued monitoring." Schools subject to the NCAA edict will have to take "reasonable steps" to "cover up" any and all offensive writings or depictions. Of course, what constitutes a "reasonable step" will itself be subject to incessant wrangling.

For example, because the NCAA edict applies not only to uniforms but also to any other "paraphernalia" that can be "worn or displayed" in any manner, the culture cops will certainly be on the lookout for boxer shorts depicting such disgusting images as an FSU Seminole or the even more offensive Southeastern Oklahoma State University "Savage." How the NCAA will enforce such edicts remains to be seen, but given the gravity of the offense, I'm sure we all can agree that whatever it takes, they "just do it." If that means taking away one's right to wear underwear of their choice in order to protect society in general from the insidious evil of insensitivity, then by golly, go for it.

But we really do have to ask how far this nonsense will go. For example, the University of Iowa is cited by supporters of the NCAA mascot policy as a "model institution" because it refuses to schedule any games with schools that employ "Native American nicknames, imagery or mascots." However, even this policy is suspect, and this school, too, needs to be investigated by the NCAA Praetorian Guard. The very name of the state (in which I was born, I must admit) — Iowa — clearly constitutes a "Native American imagery" because it is the name of a Native American people. The University of Iowa team name — the "Hawkeyes" — cannot be said to pass NCAA scrutiny either, because the term apparently was coined as a tribute to Chief Black Hawk, an Iowa chieftain.

Now that the NCAA's belt is notched with this major victory, will it next attack mascot names deemed offensive not because of some imagined racial or ethnic slight, but because they might possibly offend some other group — People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, perhaps? If it is so horrible to name a collegiate sports team after a tribe of Indians such as the Seminoles, think what conniptions a PETA member suffers when exposed to a team named in honor of an animal species (the Georgia "Bulldogs" or the South Carolina "Gamecocks"). Don't laugh. I suspect the PETA folks already are girding for the battles ahead, taking their lead from the dunces running the NCAA.

Former congressman and U.S. attorney Bob Barr practices law 

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