Christmas Extremism?

Dear Editor: I am beside myself! Last Sunday, while driving my family to the annual Winter Solstice Festival, I was accosted by a most disturbing sight -- right here in St. Lucie County. And it happened twice! First on Mariposa Blvd, where, much to my chagrin I noticed something hideous hanging from several of the light poles thereabout, on a public street no less! They were toy soldiers. Imagine that! Some were blowing bugles while others played drums, and they were all dressed in red and green tinsel. I think I saw some candy canes, too. And we all know what that means -- don't we? That's right, Christmas! Needless-to-say, I was terribly upset and offended. Why, it was like something right out of Charles Dickens!

And that ain't all! Later that same afternoon, while on my way to the Atheists 'R' Us Convention, I was stunned to see, right there on U.S. 1 in downtown Fort Pierce, a number of holly leaf ornaments disgracing the street lights of our beautiful city. It was disgusting! Now, everyone knows what holly stands for. Bingo! It's just another one of those dreaded Christian symbols, like mistletoe and ivy.

My poor wife screamed, causing me to veer off course towards the Manatee Observation Center where, no doubt, they'll have that same old silly Christmas tree standing in the round-a-bout as usual? Why can't we have something more culturally diverse, less offensive? You know, like a nude Madonna or one of those other masterpieces produced by the N.E.A., sanctioned by Planned Parenthood, endorsed by NAMBLA, protected by the first amendment and paid for with our tax dollars. Anything but . . . well, you know who.

Of course, my little boy is now scarred for the rest of his life, and my daughter will most likely have to undergo therapy for the next twenty years. Oh, by the way, I'll be sending the medical bills to Saint Lucie County and the City of Fort Pierce, and suing the pants off whatever insensitive, politically incorrect nincompoop put this right wing propaganda up in the first place, ruining my Sunday and violating my civil rights in the process.

While I'm at it, I just might call my local representative and issue a formal complaint. Hasn't anyone ever heard of the separation of Church and State? Quick! -- get the ACLU on the phone! Hey, let's just keep Christ out of Christmas, okay? Why, before you know it we'll have Easter bunnies at City Hall, Santa Clause at the Civic Center, the Ten Commandments hanging in the Courthouse and (God forbid!) prayer in school. And where does it all end? When we have Christians flying airplanes into building like those other religious extremists nutcases? Well, I for one won't stand for it! Let's stop the madness.

Now if you'll excuse me now, I must be on my way. There's a meeting tonight at the Karl Marx Institute for Advanced Socialist Studies where a seminar is scheduled on global warming, the evils of capitalism, and how Jesus was a vegetarian -- even though he never really existed, of course.

So, keep those Christmas cards and letters coming folks. And by the way, have a Merry . . . Oh, what the heck? Have a RAMAHANAKWANZMAS. Happy Holidays! Joe Prussing Port St. Lucie Fl.

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