Stress and Overeating
by Jane Stillwater

When the going gets tough, what do rich people do? They go to a psychiatrist, throw gobs of money at him and score some Valium. Under the same stressful conditions, what do poor people do? We super-size it! Our prescription for stress relief? Two pizzas, three Cokes, a large order of fries, a Slurpee, a Butterfinger and some Astro-Pops. Is food the poor man's Prozac? Yes!

My family hangs out at the low end of the economic scale. When the spit hits the fan? Dairy Queen here we come!

Whenever my daughter is under stress, her personal favorite is deep-fat-fried chicken. Me? I'm a great believer in the soothing powers of birthday cake. "I had a hard day at the office today. Cut me off a corner piece!"

What is it about a cruise ship's midnight buffet that makes us once again be able to cope? Why are so many of our children becoming....what is the current euphemism for FAT? What is our sure-fire cure to the cumulative power of modern-day stress. Sugar! Stuff that has been partially-hydrogenated. And lots of it.

My brain gets all frazzled really easily. The fiasco we call a government in Washington DC is driving me nuts! My answer? New York cheesecake with Mountains of whipping cream. And keep it coming too.

If you want to lose weight, forget about the South Beach diet. Win the lottery, move to the country, get the kids a nanny and give up watching Fox TV. I guarantee that within the month you will even start craving greens and brown rice.

Wanna go on a diet? Wait until after the kids graduate, the traffic jam goes away, Bush brings the troops home and your cell phone has died. "Jane, you look so thin! How do you do it!" How do I do it? I have no life! I avoid stress like the plague, play lots and lots of solitaire, rarely drive, avoid TV, never go anywhere and cherish the moments when my house is all peaceful and quiet -- in the middle of the night.

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